I have done very little writing or editing though. To be honest, I have been enjoying the freedom of just going home, putting me feet up and turning my mind off. It has been a while since I was able to do this and I have been taking full advantage. The downside to this, is my writing time and editing has suffered for it.
That isn't to say I've been completely idle. I have been focusing on what directions I want to shift with my writing. The Dragon's Apprentice is working through an edit with the help of Grammerly. Thought I would give it a spin. Grimmack is going through... an expansion is the best I can call it. I want to work on my world building in that book. That means I will be working to add a map to the front, which may take a bit, and then I will be working on details and events in the chapters to bring the world further to life. I am not planning on changing the story, I like the story and think it works well, I am more interested in the threads that hold the story together.
My marketing has changed as well. I am going to mock up a cover and put Grimmack on Amazon when I am happy with it. Grimmack's books are going to be about the right length etc.. that I think I can put 2-3 books out a year on Amazon with little issue, if I can keep my focus. Dragon's apprentice is going to take the place of Grimmack as far as what I try to traditionally market. And yes, I want to keep trying to play both.
I have put Grimmack out there enough, I am content to self publish. Mr. Brady Frost added me to a great group on Facebook that is all about self-publishing and it has whetted my interest in that direction. That being said, I have never been an eggs in one basket type person and I will continue to explore different options.
Grimmack, has about nine story lines right now that I have documented that I can work on. Dragon's Apprentice will be a Trilogy. Under a Broken Moon will be a stand alone, for the moment but it has potential moving forward. That one I haven't decided where to market, but it is so early in it's lifespan that I am more worried about giving it all the bones it needs to walk.
That means nothing if I can't focus. Between doing new house searches, planning for my daughter to go to DC for her History Day competition and everything else, my focus has not been on my writing like it should be. I am hoping to remedy that soon.
I am hoping by next month, I will be announcing my release date for Grimmack the Goblin on Amazon... Mwha ha ha.
How is ya'll writing going?
Ben Marble
If you would like to support Ben Marble and his unnatural obsession with the Ewok resistance, consider buying on of his short stories at Amazon.com
I will admit, my writing has suffered recently. Between starting the new job, school, studying for my Security+ (which I passed, thank you very much) My writing has been put a little to the side. I am presently, for the record sitting as follows.
Grimmack- Farming to Agents, due to lack of positive response so far I am thinking about hitting it with another round of edits. I am happy with where it is, sitting at 50k words which is about right for a book for adolescents, but I might be able to make the world pop and throw more detail in. One of the demons I wrestle with when I write is detail. I am actually one of those that is sparse in there writing and I end up adding such stuff in later.
Dragon's Apprentice- I want to do one more quick edit through this, and then I will start farming it out as well. My only hesitation is that if it does get picked up, I will have to return to this world after a bit of an absence. That is a personal worry though, as I am still constantly stuck with ideas about this story in my head, and I know where I want to go with the next two books.
Under a Broken Moon- I am about two thirds done with this book, and about ready to finish writing it up. It is kind of irritating that I've stopped at a point where the action for the final confrontation is about to happen. This story is unique for me, because though I have ideas for continuations, it is in my heart, only a self contained book. I may write some continuations some time, but when I finish it, I will be done with Elias, Jill, and Jaiden for some time.
I am debating dredging up my oldest book I finished, "Son of the Vampire" (I wrote it before Twilight was a thing so chill) and working on editing it as well. This would be to A. See if I can change the story to fit Jaiden as we know him in "Under a Broken Moon" and B. to see if I can make that story into something from the broken mess it is. It was my first attempt at writing and it shows throughout the story. That being said, I still love the ideas behind the story, and where I was going to go with it, and that might be tied into where I take the story of Broken Moon forward eventually. We will see.
Other than that, I have officially graduated for DATC, which is a large personal achievement for me. I am going to do the whole graduation ceremony and everything, (I didn't go to my High School one, as I graduated late so this will be a new experience for me) and I am going to be looking at going to WGU after I do Project+ and Cloud Based Administrator classes, above my graduation.
My family has the goal to find and move into a bigger house some time this summer. So, right now we are looking at getting my present residence, and it's fourteen years of wear and tear fixed along with the slow process of starting to dejunk. This is going to be an interesting experience I feel, as the only time I have moved, has been at the beginning of my marriage when we didn't have nearly as much stuff. I am going to learn some lessons here I think.
The big question is, how are things going with ya'll? How is your writing going and what are your challenges.
Ben Marble
If you would like to support Ben Marble and his pack of Discotheque penguins, consider purchasing one of his short stories at Amazon.com.
I'm going to tread some ground I normally avoid in this one.
So, as you are aware one of the worse things that you can do in writing is to unintentionally lean on stereotypes in your writing. Not only do you do a disservice to your own story, but you can demean another group of people, whether it be religion, orientation, race, or any other division of group you can assign to folks.
The confusing part is that there are times when using stereotypes work or re-enforce you story. Grimmack, the book I'm currently marketing to agents leans on several stereotypes intentionally. I wanted the traditional fantasy from a different point of view, so I didn't stray too far from traditional wizard, knights, and elf types we are used to. This is so my main character can make observations and even poke fun at the traditional archetypes we tend to cling to.
The other thing to worry about with Stereotypes is focusing on the latest fad or movement. The way we write and re-act to many group have changed over the years and is likely to continue to do so. What might have been funny or fine to write about in the past changes as our society does. Virtually everyone has watched a movie or read a book and afterwards said, "They couldn't do that nowadays," and often they are right. If you don't believe me, go watch "Blazing Saddles," and imagine how people would re-act if that was released for the first time in theaters today.
And this brings me to millenials, the most complained about group of our time, those lazy good for nothing children, and young adults with no values. I am sure, that Hippies, Gen-Xers, or any other group coming of age never had such criticisms... Oh wait, I'm pretty sure they did.
To be honest, I spent a large part of my adult life working with teenagers, many of which were in this age group. I myself depending on which "group" identifier you read end up at the end of Gen X, if that matters to anyone. I have a very definite opinion on millenials. And it follows here...
Millenials, like many groups before them, do not truly exist. Neither do Gen-Xers etc, etc, etc. There are societal trends of clothing, music, and some arbitrary factors like that common to people in certain age groups, but no one can be defined by any such label, though admittedly some grab onto and wear such labels proudly.
After spending several years training and working with teenagers, these dirty millenials, I can tell you that when it comes to work ethics, focus, feelings of entitlement, that I ran into a somewhat similar ratio of adults we hired who were older than me with the similar issues. Generally, if you give someone a chance and set and expectation they will meet it. This is true for those who are sixteen, those who are twenty-one, and those who are sixty-two. For those who don't meet it, they are spread throughout not just the young twenty-somethings.
Adam ruins everything even gave a great twenty minute talk on this very subject. He was talking about how to market to millenials, and the honest answer was "duh'" they are people. Treat them like people, not a group. And that is what I would argue you should do in your writing. His video, which was one of my triggers for my many agreements with him, is millenials don't exist...
What is your opinion on such things? Am I totally off my rocker? Should I deny that named generations exist? I mean, it is cool in our culture to label people so. And if it's cool...
Thank you, and I look forward to any discussion on this,
Ben Marble.
If you want to support Ben Marble and his attempts at training the world's first muskrat bobsledding team, consider buying on of his short stories at Amazon.com.
It is not that I think it is bad to make goals and resolutions for yourself, but I think it should be an ongoing process throughout the year that you can look at as needed. We all live this messy little thing called life, which means from time to time plans have to be adjusted or changed. At times we all have the big eyes syndrome where we take on more than we can chew.
So, for this year I am going to restate my goals that I am working on. I am presently working on Marketing Grimmack a little, (I could be better) I have one more full edit of "The Dragon's Apprentice" to do. (I plan on having it ready in the next month or so.) and I want to finish the story I am working on (Demon Skies is my working title) by June.
As far as school goes, I want to be done with my certifications at DATC. I graduate sometime this month as long as I pass my CompTIA security+ but I plan on getting my Project+, Cloud based Administrators, Linux and Cisco certifications. All in all that means almost a year longer than I originally planned. After that I will be looking at my Bachelor's degree in Computer Science with a focus on Network administration. My goal is to get that by the time I am 40, which gives me two years. If I don't beat that I intend to be close.
With my family I will have all new fun challenges. My oldest will be learning to drive this year. If I wasn't getting grey hair yet, that will do it. I would like to go camping sometime this summer. I haven't really been in years but once, and it would be nice to expand my children's experience a little more. There are a lot of nice places out here in Utah, several that I went to as a child and it would be nice to give my children a bit more outdoor experience.
That is pretty much my list of things I am looking at. For some of you it might seem simple, for some it might look like a lot. I have said it before, life is about priorities. You have to keep them straight if you want to accomplish your goals. Right now my main focus is education and bettering my situation. (My career change and current job is a big step, but I don't want to become complacent.)
How is your new year looking? Have you set any goals for new projects or writing? What about your personal life? Expanding your personal experience can only benefit the words you type out or scribble down on paper. What do you plan on doing different or better?
And most of all, how are you going to enjoy your new year?
Happy 2017 everybody.
Ben Marble
If you would like to support Ben Marble and his desire to construct a wild snowman habitat, consider purchasing one of his short stories at Amazon.com. Including his newest short, "The Trap."
I am at peace with myself. And yes, I have RENT playing in my head.
I am honestly not writing like I want to be, but I am writing. I have plans to finish the project I'm on, then move over to Grimmack 2. Somewhere in there I am going to do my final edit on "The Dragon's Apprentice" book one, and start marketing it as well. The time frame for all of this? Soon.
I am not setting a finite goal or anything at the moment, and I am O.K. with that. I have been consistently writing and editing and I will continue to do so. My progress bar is not set to an artificial timer and that is the way I feel it should be right now. There is simply too much up in the air between my new job and everything else right now. I know I don't have a consistent hour a day, or time during the week to write and that is fine, I am still making progress.
Now I know, someone reading this is screaming about clear goals in a timely manner. And they are right. When you want to achieve something that is generally the best way to do it. However, right now in the middle of the holidays working a new job and going to school I just don't have a consistent time frame I can work on writing. So I will do it a little here, and a little there, and if I get published and start making money I will re-evaluate how I do my writing.
In all honesty, I don't see this pattern changing soon since even if I get published tomorrow, I probably won't be making enough money to warrant a significant difference.
I am an adult, and I am choosing the choices that feed my family over writing. Most people do. I would love to think that I might change this someday, but in all honesty most authors don't make a significant income from what they do, at least not for a long while. While I believe in making sacrifices for your art, for me they have to be sacrifices you can live with. I have duties before stroking my writing ego in ways that take away from other things that are priorities in my life.
I will be clear, there is no shame in trying to write on non-specific terms, as long as you are trying to write. Think about you story in your head on your lunch break if you can't write there. There are thousands of prospective writers out there. In five years of trying, most of them will have given up because they cannot live up to an unrealistic view of what they see as a "real author." Then thousands more will take the place of those who have given up.
In my heart it's those who keep trying to learn and advance that eventually succeed 99% of the time. I plan on trying for the foreseeable future. If fifteen years from now I'm in my fifties and I haven't sold a big book or done anything other than selling a few self published stories I will be happy and I can live with that. I would be lying if I didn't say there wasn't a part of me that wants to explode as the next big author, but in reality even with a successful writing career that is unlikely to happen. If I don't temper my expectations around that I will be dooming myself to fail.
For now I am loving my new job. My co-workers and boss support me. I feel I have the opportunity to create and impact and grow. If I play my cards right I will be happy working for this company for the long haul.
My family is not without conflict and problems at time, but no one's family is perfect. With me at the head I would hardly expect mine to be. But we love and respect each other, and we work together in the end, what more can you ask for?
School is going well too. I have a longer road than I had first planned on, and I still hope to graduate by the time I'm forty. That may not happen, but as long as I'm moving forward and learning I am enjoying it still.
I will still ask, how is everyone else's writing coming this holiday season?
Merry Christmas,
Ben Marble
To support Ben Marble and his journeys on his big red sleigh consider purchasing one of his short stories at Amazon.com.
So, between job changes, outside stress, and school I got to chapter 10 of my book for NaNoWriMo this year. That is about half way to 50k if you would like to know. Short of the mark, but I got some work and some outlining done. I'm happy with where this story is heading, and I plan on getting it finished and editing it still. I would love to have it up on Amazon in a couple of months, but we will see what happens.
How was everyone else's NaNoWriMo this year? Did anyone finish? What did you struggle with? How could it have gone better, and more importantly how can you plan it better for next year? All questions that are worth asking.
This story I am telling is the continuation of Elias' story. It is the modern culmination of what I was building to in my short stories up on Amazon.com for you kindle and ebook reading delight. It is the story of a man facing down his literal demon, and living with his mental demons at the same time. I have re purposed a couple of other characters including Jaiden Knight, my half-vampire and Jill Silver, a Werewolf without a pack to help round out my characters. I have a lot of work to go, but I am enjoying the direction I am heading. At the end of the day, this is a story that has been brewing in my head for the better part of a decade, and I am finally giving it shape.
I am now into my second week working at inContact. I know I am looking at things through new hire eyes, but I am excited about the job and the future it may give me. Opportunities exist here for upward advancement, and my bosses are very supportive of my goals, be they school or otherwise. My co-workers are great and the environment in comfortable. I am hoping this is a job I am at for a long time and that I can grow as the company does befitting us both.
As far as writing advice this time, I don't have much other than find a specific time to write. I am going to find an hour or two a week that is devoted to nothing but writing and editing. That is not a lot, but right now that is all I am going to be able to manage. As with anything, you might have more, or less time than this. Plan accordingly to your needs, not someone else's. Not everyone can write for hours everyday without sacrificing too much of what they need to give to their family, jobs, or even themselves. We all need de-stress time, and while writing can work for this, at times it definitely won't.
That is it for my update right now. How is everyone else doing?
Ben Marble.
If you would like to support Ben Marble and his fear of flatbread, consider buying one of his short stories at Amazon.com.
As always with
these reviews, I am going to first give a non-spoiler review of what I thought
of the flick. At the end, since this is
a writing blog, I will state what I would have done differently, and that
sometimes means injecting spoilers. I
still try and keep the spoilers light.
This movie was
everything we were promised. Visually it
was completely stunning. The Acting was
believable and even superb in some places. I absolutely loved it.
Benedict
Cumberbatch makes a great Doctor Strange; he manages to start out as an arrogant
jerk who still manages to win you over by the end of the movie. His character arc is essential to the plot
and the way the big bad is defeated.
Chiwetel Ejiofor as Mordo was fantastic, and the promise of his
character in future instalments is great.
If you remember him playing the Agent in Serenity you realize after the
end of the credits in the last teaser how perfect he is for that part. Tilda Swinton as the Ancient One ate up the screen
any time she was on it. Rachel McAdams
was fine as the love interest, and the rest were good to great as well.
Plot wise, this
is a Marvel movie. While the essentials
are different the structure is the same.
Start with flawed hero; put them through a new experience. Use that experience to grow them. Big coolness, big setback, and then overcome big
evilness at the end. While I enjoyed how
they resolved the fight with the big bad at the end, I thought it was more
unique of an idea then slugging it out.
(I can’t say more than that) the surprises are in how the story is
told. Not where it leads.
Villain wise Mads
Mikkelsen is fine. He does his job as a
big scary villain, but this movie has the same issue that most Marvel movies
do. You never feel any empathy for the
bad guy and his nameless sidekicks. Instead
he is very two dimensional, and his reasoning for being bad is believable, but
never developed to a point where I felt he was a full character. He looks cool, he does his job and it works
but it is not as great as it could be.
Now I hate 3D
movies. I have no desire to go stare at
a screen and get motion sick for a couple of hours. This movie if I were to see it again I would
consider doing the 3D experience. The
visuals are that awesome. I think all
the mind bendy goodness works well and there are sets and moments that are just
simply beautiful to stare at.
Over all, I would
give this move a solid A- minus. The
minus is for standard villain A, and underdeveloped love interest.
Now beyond here is
where any spoilers may be found. If you
read on and get spoiled it is not my fault.
You have been warned and I feel no guilt if you get upset.
First of all, fix
the villain. This felt short for a
Marvel movie, give me five to ten minutes where I see into his life and help me
understand why he believes the way he does.
Or build up some empathy for him; let us see how he was broken when he
came to the Ancient One. The famous
show, don’t tell conundrum.
Second, Rachel
McAdams never gets well developed as a love interest. She is almost used more as a plot device at
times, then as someone we see Doctor Strange having a serious relationship with. I needed some more between them to establish
some good chemistry. Make that relationship
believable. I needed at the least for
here to be somewhere at the end to make me believe that Doctor Strange would come
back or want to continue his relationship with that character. Instead the last we see of her is when the
Ancient One dies, and then nothing.
Pacing at the beginning
might be fixed as well. The only time I felt
this show dragged was when they were establishing Strange’s character in the
beginning. This might just be me
though. The problem is I don’t know what
I would cut, because most of the events that happen are important to the
story. Maybe tighten up a few moments?
That is my feeling
on this flick, how did you all feel about it.
For me it was a total win for Marvel, did anyone actually hate it? Inquiring minds would like to know.
Ben Marble
If you would like to support Ben Marble and his machinations
to usurp the Sorcerer Supreme, consider buying on of his short stories at
Amazon.com, including his new short ,The Trap.
This year has
officially kicked off! I am excited and working on a book idea that I have been
building to for years. This book will
take a modern day Elias, mix him with Jill a werewolf, and Jaiden a half
vampire as they take on the demon who cursed Elias in the first place. To be honest, if I get the job I applied for I have no idea how I will pull this off, but I'm going to do it!
The Idea for this
story has grown from several places. The
first book I finished writing was about Jaiden and his Journey as a
half-vampire and discovering what he is and what that means. That book was scrapped as I just didn’t think
the story overall was strong, or that it resounded well with me. But as with all books, I have several great
ideas and a couple of characters that I have pulled out from the wreckage of
that story.
Elias I have been
building up for some while. All four
short stories I have on amazon.com are related to either him directly, or in
the case of “The Black Oak” it starts the events that push this story into
motion. I am finding it weird writing
Elias in third person, after I have spent three shorts writing from his point
of view, but hey, I am having fun with it.
Jill is the other
character that came from Jaiden’s book.
She is much different and hopefully better realized in this story. We will see.
The other big
thing this year is I have taken a step back and I’m discovery writing instead
of outlining. Normally before I write I
sit down and outline chapter 1-whatever and give what I want to accomplish in
each chapter, what happens, and who’s POV it is written from. This time I have trying to write differently. It might kill me in the end, but I want to
see how it works out with me having the basic story in mind, and my characters
walking through it.
My other stories
have been put to the side for the moment.
Grimmack I am still waiting to hear back from a couple of agents, but I
will be submitting him to a new round soon.
The Dragon’s apprentice just finished a full edit, and I plan on running
through it one more time before submitting it out as well. I love both stories for different reasons,
and I hope eventually to have them out to folks in whatever format works best.
As for this year’s
NaNoWriMo? With the shorts already being
on Amazon.com, I plan on self-publishing it in the same manner. If all goes well, it will be my first
full-length book out on the market.
What are you all
doing for NaNoWriMo is the question now….
Ben Marble.
If you would like to consider supporting Ben Marble and his
whisperings of conspiracy theories, Consider purchasing one of his short
stories on Amazon.com.
Now, as always with my movie reviews, (this is a writing blog) I am going to say below at the end what I would have written or done differently. Not to take away from the movie, but as an exercise to look at something and adjust how I would work things. It's easier to do it in this format than with your own work, but it's a good skill to have nonetheless.
I am going to start out with, I realize this movie has had some controversy. The first trailer was one of the most hated videos ever put on youtube (deservedly so, it is not a good reflection of this movie.) There have been accusations of people hating it because they decided to go with women instead of men. (I have opinions here myself.) Through it all, the movie made some money and it is rumored to be going for a sequel despite lower box office sales than expected.
This movie has a bit of a divide on Rotton Tomatoes... not a big one. Critics at 73% and Audience at 55%. I always find it interesting when critics rate a movie higher than the audience. And I do think that in this case, part of that is because of the audiences pre-conceptions. I do think a lot of the audience went in expecting this movie to suck and felt that it did because of those preconceptions. Whether it was because the show was women powered or because they didn't want to see a remake of the original, they saw what they wanted to see.
I myself enjoyed this flick. It is far from a perfect movie for me and I wouldn't put it past the original, but I think it is worth seeing. I found myself laughing out loud in different parts and openly enjoying different moments. I think it was funny, well done, and worth seeing. I would even willingly see it again.
I have heard a couple folks say that the plot was close to the original... and I can see that. However I think that going in you know the plot is, ghost appear, four folks team up, find reason for ghosts, try to defeat that reason, get knocked back, team back up to fight the big bad and save the day. That is the formula for pretty much all three ghostbuster movies. This one I felt was different enough that I have no complaints over any similarities. Rather I cherished the Easter eggs, cameos, and everything else that was a call back to the original.
My first issue is with the chemistry of the cast. Other than SCIENCE! I don't understand what binds these four together. There was a past relationship with Abby and Erin, and obviously Abby is working with Holtzman when they team back up, but other than happenstance I just felt nothing tying these characters together. My personal theory on this is they tried to make every character so unique and different they forgot to tie them back together. Even with Patty it's, hey I know New York, and since we are ignoring the internet and anything else you can use to get information you need me! I wanted more bonding less crazy science. (Not that the crazy science wasn't cool) The one big bonding moment in the movie came too little too late for me. I want these characters to feel invested in each other so I feel like investing in them.
Kevin is a waste of space. I think Chris Hemsworth phoned this part in and didn't do much for the movie. He was a running joke that later because a weak plot device. (Anyone could have been possessed at the end, even a man casually walking by on the street.) I wanted to kick his character off the screen every time he showed up and I think making a meaty, stupid, receptionist didn't serve the movie very well. Or just cast someone who is beefy and can do comedy in this spot.
I could have done without the mayor and assistant plot as well. They would have worked better if more thought had been put into their part in the movie, but they became pretty much a bland plot device to keep things moving forward. If the Mayor and his assistant, (and homeland security) had actually done something to hamper the ghostbusters efforts, (bad publicity... not a big show stopper) They might have been worth the screen time.
Other than that, Would give this movie a B-. It did fall flat on some of the jokes and I just kept getting kicked out of the story by the lack of chemistry here and there. Like I said, I think it's worth seeing and would recommend it to fans of the franchise.
Now her comes the part were I delve a little into spoilers. I try to keep it light, but in order to say what I would have done differently I sometimes have to mention plot points, and events that happen. So while I may not do spoilers, don't be surprised if I do.
First of all, the character development needs to bond the characters tighter. Just fighting for the cause doesn't tie people together. I need some bonding moments and I need them early on. Tell me why these characters are tied together emotionally. Why does Jillian Holtzman work with Abby Yates, what put them in business together in Erin's Absence? What makes Patty want to join the ghostbusters? Yes she sees the ghost with them, but it never really explains why she said, lets go face some more of them together. I need to see the girls band together to in a way that said, we are friends, we are a family. That didn't happen. The only attempt I really saw was too late in the movie to truly move me.
Second I would have made Kevin a more important part. Comic relief is great, but what if they only person they could hire as a receptionist was a snarky jerk who questioned them constantly. Give Them a challenge rather than a pretty face to moon over. Or write him out, and replace him with a boring placeholder. I just needed something, a purpose beyond a badly made running joke for that character to be there.
I would have written in some real opposition. Instead of the Mayor and company just telling them to keep stuff quiet, I would have had them actively working against the Ghostbusters. Don't make him a bad trope, make him a mayor who is genuinely fighting for the city and thinks that they Ghostbusters are making things worse. Put some meat in the game rather than a weak plot point that we have seen before. Movies are so full of corrupt and stupid politicians, make and honest one for them to fight against and then you have an interesting thing moving the plot forward. Not something we have seen a million times before and that we just pray ends soon.
Last of all I would reign the personalities in a big. Holtzman is great as the mad scientist, but balance that out with a bit of personality that is contrary. Erin is very straight forward and almost stiff, but give her some moments early on that show what she used to be, or how she got that way. Don't just mention it and move on. So on for the other characters. Build them so they are less two dimensional. I need a reason to care for them, that is true of any character in a story. There is very little character development here though. I can't honestly say I think any of the characters have changed by the end of this movie.
Beyond that, I liked the overall arc of the plot. The visual effects were pretty amazing, and i think it was well paced and directed.
But what did you think? What worked for you in this movie, what didn't. How would you improve this story?
Ben Marble.
As always, if you want to support me and my attempts to rid the world of evil spirits, please consider buying one or my shorts stories at Amazon.com.
I finally got my answer back from Grimmack the Goblin, that I had sent into a publisher whom I thought the story would work for. This was my response.
Thank you for submitting your manuscript
entitledGrimmack The Goblinto Unnamed publisher for our review.
We are always pleased to see new ideas, and we
have now completed our review of this material. It is obvious that you have
invested a considerable amount of time and energy into this project. Our
publishing schedule is quite competitive, however, and as we look carefully at
all the issues involved in publication, we are forced to be extremely selective
in our publishing decisions. I am sorry to inform you that we are not in a
position to pursue this project with you. Unfortunately, the demands of our
editorial workload prevent us from sending detailed comments about your work.
We appreciate your thinking of us and giving us
the opportunity to review your work. To be honest, this is about what I expected. Years ago when I looked at Tor's website they mention right up front that less than 5% of the books submitted directly to them get published. Submitting anywhere directly I figured I would have a similar chance. Publishers have to be very careful about what they publish because they are making an investment when thy choose an author. One might ask, if I knew the numbers where so low, why did I bother submitting anyway? I will answer.
If I hadn't submitted, then I would have 0% chance. I love my story. I love my characters. I find myself daydreaming and thinking about situations and stories I can put them in. I have several plot ideas for dear Grimmack to walk through, and even being 75% finished with his second books first draft, I can see the growth the character has gone through. I think this book, his first book is good, salable, and that many people would enjoy it. So yea, I did my editing and took my chance. I am not sorry I did either. As a matter of fact my other book I'm editing (the dragon's apprentice) I plan on submitting as well to the same publisher. For the same reason, even though that book is a lot more work than Grimmack to get nailed down and edited well.
So what did I do when I got rejected you ask? I didn't grab a pint of ice cream and chain watch Game of Thrones (I can do that without being rejected.) I didn't go through my computer deleting Grimmack's notes and stories in a rage that they weren't good enough. I did not go online to let everyone know I was a hack and will never be a good author. I didn't even drive to the mountain top and scream and wail at God because I did not achieve success on my first try with this story. I did what I feel everyone should do.
I let myself feel disappointed and a little angry with myself. Those feeling are natural and I'm not going to go blame some editor I have never met because they didn't like my story well enough. I'm not going to blame my family, God, or anyone else, this was my rejection. After I let those emotions run through me for a moment, I straightened my back, and got on the internet. I then found a couple more agents and sent out more queries for Grimmack.
One rejection is the last reason to stop trying. five is not, Even one-hundred is not. I will keep trying with Grimmack until I graduate DATC next year, which will be about June. At that point if I can't find traditional publication I will look at self-publishing. At this moment I don't feel I have the proper time or energy to market myself. When I graduate though, we will see.
This is the attitude we have all been told we need to have to be successful. When you get knocked down, stand up. Take responsibility for your own actions, etc. They hold true. The problem is not that we don't know we need to keep getting up to stay in the fight. The problem is that it is hard sometimes to spit in the eye of rejection and keep going. That is why I think it's okay to let yourself feel angry and disappointed. Just make sure you focus those emotions on where they need to be. Use them to help yourself be more constructive so you can say, "What can I do better next time?"
That is my plan. What is yours. What do you do to help yourself handle rejection. I don't know if there is a wrong answer here as long as you stand up and get going again. The taking a moment to down some frozen milk product while watching a show is just as good as turning around and returning a punch by looking for more avenues. What matters is that you keep going. There may be miles and miles of road before you make it. Or it might be over the next hill.
You never know unless you keep moving on.
Ben Marble
If you would like to support the bundle of burning twigs that comprise Ben Marble, think about buying one of his short stories on Amazon.com.
Here is my review of Magnificent 7. Yes, I am doing two in one day.
Once again, I am
compelled to let you know I am not a professional when it comes to reviewing
movies. There may also be spoilers here at the end. I try to keep my initial review spoiler free,
but at the end I like to say what I would have done differently if I was a
writer. That means sometimes discussing details about the movie I would
otherwise omit. I still try and keep the
spoilers light.
To start, I have
never seen the original show this was based on.
I walked into this movie with no bias, just looking forward to seeing a
modern Western and hoping to enjoy the movie.
Man did I.
The introduction
of the villain in the first scene is wonderfully done. He manages to exude menace in a way that
makes you think everything he does has an evil motive about it. The suspense of waiting for that shoe to
drop, pulls you into the movie and along for the ride right away.
The characters
are good. Some great. Denzel Washington and Chris Platt play off
each other well. The other characters,
well they aren’t as big, but they all get their moments that make you
smile. Vincent D’Onofrio plays such a
different character form the King pin I had to look hard to recognize him. The girl who looks like a Jennifer Lawrence
rip off (sorry, but it’s kinda true) could have used more personality but I
have little complaint in this area.
Every character gets an introduction, and in moments you know what that
character is about. I do have to give a
special shout out to Ethan Hawke as his character probably has the biggest
character arc. Most everybody else their
arc is pretty straight. This is the
character, and we will tell you why they fight and act like they do in a few
seconds.
The movie is
beautiful. There is something about all
the shots of the town with the burnt out church in the background that speaks
to you. Every shot looks good, and even
in the inevitable “This is a Western so there is going to be men staring at
each other waiting to shoot” moments, it didn’t feel like anything dragged to
me.
The villain could
have been more complex. He is very, one
note. His motivation is greed, and he
will kill anyone who gets in the way of that motivation. No real depth. However, in the context of this movie it
works. There is something about a
villain who calmly lights a cigarette while his army charges into a town, as if
he is already bored about being there.
It is stated
before the big fighting begins, that not everyone in the town will walk away
from the fight. Part of the glory of this
flick is it doesn’t hesitate to show people on both sides of the fight getting
shot and killed. The body count is high
on both sides. I did expect that despite
this the seven this show revolves around would escape unscathed. I have been watching too many Marvel movies
apparently. I won’t say who, but several
of our heroes don’t make it.
This movie is a
definite A in my book. It is pure
popcorn entertainment and the only big complaint I had is that there could have
been more of each character. To do this
however would have made the movie much longer, and I don’t think the joy might
have lived through that.
Now comes the
spoiler part. If there is any. So, beyond may be spoilers, I will still try
and keep them light, but you have been warned.
One thing I would
have liked to see is more motivation in the characters. You understand by the end of the movie why
Denzel Washington’s character is there, but the rest seem to just follow him
“because.” There is no reason I can see
for most of the characters to throw themselves into a hopeless fight, or I
might have missed something. Chris
Pratt’s character was about the gold.
Red Harvest felt it was his “path?”
Yeah, that’s about it.
The woman who plays
the heroine, who is almost the only woman in the movie that isn’t background
had severe personality issues. She could
glare and cry. That was her two
modes. I wanted to feel heartbroken for
her, and I did when her husband was killed, but it faded quickly as I didn’t
get anything else emotional from her for the rest of the movie. I would have given her some more moments to
explore who she was.
I really have no
other complaints. I think for me this
was a near perfect movie. I loved it, I
will own it, and I will probably watch it again a few times.
Once again, this
is a big screen movie. The big Western
landscape and the action begs to be seen on a big screen. The movie is great, go see it.
What did you all
think of it? Did I miss something while I was excitedly noticing that guns
didn’t run out of bullets? Unless it was
convenient to the plot that is. What
would you have done differently in this movie?
Ben Marble.
If you want to support Ben Marble in his madness and glory, please consider purchasing one of his short stories at Amazon.com
So here is a movie review for Mrs. Peregrine’s Home for
Peculiar Children. Directed by Tim
Burton
For those who are
stumbling here by accident, this is my writing blog where I talk about my
writing, and other related things. One
thing I like to do is review movies, with my angle being explaining what I
might have done differently. As an
imperfect person I admit the things I might do differently aren’t always the
right choices, but to my personal opinion it is ways that might improve the
movie. I try to keep the first part of
the review spoiler free, but once I start talking about what I would have
changed out of necessity I have to discuss things that happened in the movie.
Now going into
this movie I was biased. I had just
finished listening to them on Audible, and had enjoyed the series
immensely. There is a great story that
spans all three books, and it has great nuance and characters all through
out. Some of these characters are only
in for one book. Some go across all
three. But our focus here is on the
movie.
For the first
two-thirds of this movie I was all in.
Visually the move is beautiful and the Characters all fit (mostly) with
what I had expected from the book. There
were a couple of children’s powers that were swapped, and as it was shown in
the trailer I will mention it here. Emma
instead of using fire, had her power changed to air, and Olive was given the
fire power. Normally a change like this
would make me cry foul, but within the context of the movie it worked. With a few changes like that, that in my
opinion were in good taste, I was happy with what I was seeing.
Then the last
third of the movie happened. I am
guessing Tim Burton only wanted to do one move, because everything suddenly
went on fast forward and an ending was stitched together that didn’t do the
books justice. I will say despite this
derailment it has several moments where I still felt a surge of joy, and I now
feel that Enoch may have been severely underutilized in the books.
Overall the
Acting was good. Asa Butler was decent
as Jacob. Emma, was fine. I could have used more Enoch and Millard, as
they were awesome in the book. Eva Green
as Mrs. Peregrine was fantastic. She
managed to play the part with just a slight undertone of something sinister
laying beneath the surface at times. The
villains of the story were very two-dimensional and flat.
If you want to
see this, I recommend the theater just for the visuals. Tim Burton is still magic when it comes to
just making every scene pop and look beautiful. Everything from the grey
beaches to the green fields outside the home are wonderful. There is a depth to the scenery that makes me
want Tim Burton to direct a movie someday that is a hundred percent visual
without any words. I think he could do
it.
I give this movie
a solid B if you have never read the books, and a C if you have. The decision to cut this to one movie took
out a lot of nuance and chance to explore characters down the line. I won’t lie here; I think it is a horrible
move to tie this up in a way that pretty much keeps the other books from
happening. I wish Tim Burton had stayed
close to the original story, and left it open in case someone else wanted to
pick it up. This story does deserve a
trilogy to be told properly.
Past this point is
where the spoilers are. So, if you read
past here and get spoilers it is your own fault. I still try and keep them light, but you were
warned. Don’t whine to me.
The big thing as
I eluded to, is that I would have not changed the end on this story. I would have stuck close to the original book
and as any good story, it could have stood on its own. Even if we never
received a sequel, the story could have held up. That is without saying.
I often complain
about character bloat. This movie had
it. Not a lot, but enough that we don’t
get any personality out of some of the children except in a brief flash here
and there. The twins that weren’t at the
house in the book could have been left out.
The rest could have used those few moments to be better developed.
Now, one of the
things they did right was give Enoch some screen time. He is one of my favorite characters because
he is a jerk. He is a jerk who never
becomes a villain despite the fact that is the path most authors take with a
character like that. I did not like the
forced love story between him and Olive.
It was unnecessary and could have been removed. It did not have enough time to be truly
developed and at the end when it comes full circle it is more of a ‘meh moment
than you being excited the two characters are together. So cut it, or find a way to give it the depth
it deserves.
The villains are
flat. Samuel L. Jackson is wasted
here. They kept the base story behind
the “whites” in place, but crapped on everything that made their story
appealing. Give me the story of Mrs.
Peregrine’s brothers being a large part of the movement that created them. Make me care.
Instead these villains feel very cartoon like and not very threatening
at all. They just are not good. At all.
It would have been better focused on just one villain, and creating the
framework to add more later. If he had
been used properly Samuel L. Jackson could have been menacing and great. Alas, that is not what we get.
I really don’t
have more than that. This movie mostly
works, and works well. Like I said most of
the complaints I have come from the fact I read the book, and I think without
that you can enjoy this movie.
So tell me what
you think, do you agree with me? Or am I off base here. What would you have done differently if you
were telling the story?
Ben Marble
If you would like to support Ben Marble and his many insane endeavors, consider buying one of his short stories at amazon.com
So, it has been a
little bit. Time for an update folks.
Grimmack has
passed through edit number three and has now been pushed to a publisher’s inbox
whom I won’t name. I have some hopes
here, as I think my story is very fun and solid. The final product was just north of 50k words
which is on the low end of young adolescent to teens which is where I’m aiming
this story. That being said I feel it is
something that appeals to older readers as well. According to the website I should get a response
between Thanksgiving and Christmas time.
I was surprised actually as I know that Tor (not the one I submitted
this too) has about a six month turn around on a response.
Now, honestly I
am bracing myself for a rejection letter while hoping for an acceptance. I do believe my story is good, but it is up
to someone whom I have never met who digs through these manuscripts to decide
if it is something they want to publish. They hopefully will love my story, but
they may decide they don’t. Or they may
decide it’s not a fit for their publisher, or… well there are many “ors.” I have done what I can for now within my
sphere of control, for now I have put the story to the side as I wait for
judgement. I also am looking for plan B,
C, and so on for if this publisher rejects my story. Because it doesn’t fit one place doesn’t mean
it won’t fit anywhere.
I have been a
little distant from my writing otherwise.
I have been cramming the last few weeks for my Network+ certification
and thankfully I have passed. Now I am
on to learning Security Fundamentals and then Security+. For now, I can take a small breath, but a new
test will be on me soon.
So, what am I
working on then? Well, I am still
writing Grimmack 2 on the side. I also
am going to be working on editing “The dragon’s apprentice” which is the other
book I have finished that needs some love.
That one I have had on the back burner for a while for a variety of
reasons, but I have finally figured out a few things I want to do to fix the
story, and while it might mean sacrificing a few darlings, I am looking forward
to getting it to a point where I can submit it.
Oh, and there is
this little November thing called NaNoWriMo I am hoping to do again this
year. If you haven’t done it before, you
should. It is a fun challenge for
aspiring writers.
Otherwise life
is moving on. I am continuing in school,
working on watching for ways to advance myself in my new chosen career
path. Yes, I want to write for a living,
but until I get to that point I do need to pay the bills.
So, there you
have it. A lot of fun, and work to
getting to where I want to be.
Because, let’s
be honest, this is all about priorities.
If I don’t prioritize my writing, then all I am doing is talking. That doesn’t help anyone, least of all
myself.
Ben Marble
If you want to support Ben Marble you can buy his short stories at Amazon.com
That is right, my third short starting Elias will be coming out on Kindle/Amazon.com soon. I have a little more tweaking to do with it and I will be putting it up. This was written as a quick break from the world of Grimmack which is also coming along nicely. I just need to figure out a name for it...
I have some goals I am trying to achieve in my third edit of Grimmack. The first is tightening up the language and prose so it reads more smoothly and professionally. I want to add a touch more world building and detail, two things I know I'm sparse at when writing.
Life is
busy. I have been working on my Network+
certification and I’m a couple weeks away from taking the test. Kids have started school again, and we have
been stumbling over ourselves to make sure all the million and a half forms
sent home by teachers to be signed are attended to. My work schedule is also shifting, which
means my school schedule is shifting.
Good times.
My goals are
still before me. I am working on my
outline for the story I want to write for NaNoWriMo this year. When November 1st hits, I want to
be ready to meet it head on. I am poking
at agents and soon a couple of publishers on Grimmack’s behalf. If I don’t have him published traditionally
by mid-summer next year, I will instead look at doing self-publication through
Amazon.
I still have “The
Dragon’s Apprentice” to finish editing as well.
My daughter really liked that story and keeps pushing me to get it
done. It will also look at traditional
publishing before I consider self-publishing.
I am more than aware of my own limitations, and I know time wise I’m not
In a position to market myself if I do self-publication.
Otherwise, I have
no issue with self-publication. As a
matter of fact, with the way trends are turning and media is sliding towards
the electronic devices that rule us, I think self-publication will give some
traditional publishing a run for its money in the near future.
That being said I
know a lot of people are hesitant to touch anything self-published and with
good reason. There are some really big
steaming piles of crap out there. But
there are also diamonds hiding in the self-published field. I can think of a couple of authors who
self-published first.
You know,
Christopher Paolini and Larry Correia.
Both have written great books, and if I remember right, both were
self-publishing before they were picked up by traditional.
That is my update
for now. Working on writing, working on
not just claiming to be an author, but to put myself in the headspace where I
can consider myself an author which is probably just the difference between
author and aspiring author; Confidence.
First comes the update. I finished my second edit of Grimmack and I'm very happy with where the book is right now. Both passes so far have been looking at wording and adding a little more attention to detail. I feel the story it good and compelling and Grimmack is probably the best protagonist I've written. Still a few characters I would like to shine a little more, but I'm happy with where I am. After this edit I have a couple places I plan on submitting the story.
Now to the meat. Like I said earlier, when I watch a move I'm going to be doing a review from now on, because I can. I like movies, I like to share opinions, and at the bottom I will say how I would have done some things different from a writing perspective. At that point, and I will warn again, there will be spoilers because I will be discussing what I would have done differently. I will still try and keep the spoilers light, but they will live there.
This movie takes place three years into the Enterprises mission. The crew we know is there, and they are all, well, as expected. I have no complaints about the acting in the movie, but I have no praise either. Everyone played their part nicely, but nothing made me look at someone and say, "Oh, that is amazing!" It's all good for the crew.
The plot on the other hand, is a mess. It suffers from the matrix of convenience the other Star Trek Movies have. For example in the first reboot Captain Kirk gets thrown on a deserted planet, and it just happens to be the one old Spock is living on. There are coincidences like that throughout. Three movies through and this crew has to be the luckiest folks alive. Well, except for the red shirts. The resolution is also shaky. My brother who went with me voiced it as, they Independence Dayed the final fight between the Federation and the enemy fleet, swarm? Well, lets say we both thought of Zerg when we saw how they operated, but unlike Zerg they had a convenient weakness.
The Action is great. This is where the movie really excels and to be honest, the characters and plot often feel like they are there just to frame cool fight scene X around. In the action scenes they often use all the space around them. There are tricks played with gravity and space, and there are moments where your brain shuts off and you enjoy the spectacle of everything.
Over all I would give this movie a 6.5 to a 7. It is a flawed movie, but it's enjoyable. Just don't think too hard. Really don't, every time I start to think it brings more questions than answers. More about that below...
So, this is where you hop off the bus if you don't want SPOILERS.
I mean it, below the trailer here SPOILERS are free game.
The first thing here, is simplify the plot line. There is just too much that doesn't hold up if you take the time to think about it. The biggest thing for me was the villain after his big reveal. You can't tell me that you can spend an extended amount of time on a planet, have the intelligence to build a giant fleet of robots? (They never actually explain what his followers are, creature or robot) and you can't find a way to make it home? Really? The plot needs to be something that holds up to questioning. How did the villain get the ability to make an army? And out of who or what? It just is never explained.
The enemy fleet is beaten by an use of technology that left me scratching my head. Not so much that what they did worked, but the fact the ships just started blowing up. They weren't hitting each other. They didn't just stop and drift, they blew up. It was an awesome effect but it made no sense. I would have rather they managed to McGyver an EMP that send out a big enough wave that shut the enemy down.
I would kill the convenience. It makes things feel to easy at time for the characters. This thing needs to reach terminal velocity, well it happens to be on the planets tallest cliff. The villain conveniently forgot this thing was here? Well, lets be happy about that and don't question. (By the way, if you are an engineer and you develop a ship that needs to hit terminal velocity to activate your impulse drive, WTF? Why would you ever, ever, ever create a feature like that? If you are an engineer and can answer this, feel free!) The story is more interesting if it doesn't depend on convenience.
Needless to say, I think this movie would have benefited the script being looked over by someone who deals in physics and/or futuristic technology. It would have helped. A lot.
That is my opinions up front about this, what would you change if you could edit this script? Even better, what would you keep the same and why? Thank you for taking the time to read, and feel free to share your opinions.
Ben Marble
If you want to support me and my writing endeavors feel free to pick up one of my short stories at Amazone.com/Kindle
I love to go to
the movies. I am one of those nerds who
love the dark theater, big screen and excited crowds. It is actually probably the only time I ever
like large amounts of people. But a group of folks enjoying a movie, laughing along and hopping up and down in anticipation of
different events is a fantastic thing.
Film itself is such a big medium for expression that we all have a
favorite movie, or moments on T.V. we remember.
Even those who don’t watch T.V. or movies now, tend to have the memory
of other shows and things that shaped their childhood while they watched them.
Because of this,
when I go to the movies now I am going to do a movie review. I am not a film critic, and my opinion will
probably count for very little. However,
as this is a writing blog, part of the review is going to be what I think I
would have done, or that could have been done better or differently. Once again I would like to express that this
is all a matter of opinion. I could be
dead wrong, and if you think I am that is O.K.
It would be a rather boring world if we all had the same opinions and
expectations.
So, as per the
title, let’s dig into Suicide Squad.
First of all, I
think this is a great popcorn movie.
There is plenty of action, the visual effects are great and there is a
good sense of adventure in this movie.
There were many moments when I found myself grinning like a fool and
enjoying the insanity of it. As a movie
this is a great turn your brain off and enjoy the ride flick.
There were some compelling
characters. Deadshot is wonderfully
played by Will Smith and is arguably the most central character in this
movie. Harley Quinn is wonderfully
brought to life by Margot Robbie. Rick Flag
played by Joel Kinnaman is a great straight man for the craziness to be
happening around. Amanda Waller played
by Viola Davis is very dark and I would say is probably the biggest villain in
the film. After that, everyone is pretty
much pared down to a side character, and even though they have moments that pique
the interest, they are pretty much interchangeable.
I will voice a controversial opinion. I did
enjoy the Joker, played by Jared Leto. I
think it was a great idea to do a version of the Joker that was very different
from Heath Ledger’s Iconic performance.
The manic gangster we got I thought was fun, and great. While he is far from being my favorite Joker,
I enjoyed his performance and I love the thought of him being in a Batman film against Ben
Affleck.
So, here are the
issues. This film suffers from character
bloat. There are way too many faces for
the screen time so a lot of the bad A characters we were promised are little
more than glorified extras. This also
means some of the characters that do get screen time, like the Enchantress, are
not developed enough for use to really care.
I wanted to care about Dr. June Moon’s side of the character, but you
just aren’t given the chance to.
The story line as
well is a lot more complicated than it needs to be. Because of this, it is hard to judge the
characters as actual bad guys when they are constantly making the right
choices. This is something I will
discuss a little below. Needless to say
though, in a team of villains there is not a lot of villainous activity.
What do you expect
though? It’s a PG-13 movie. I don’t mean
that as an insult, but if you expected to see the villains mowing down
innocents and being horrible, this isn’t going to happen in this story line or
with this rating. I will call the
prediction now though, in a little bit, Warner Brothers will announce the
DVD/Blu-Ray will come out with an extended Rated R version like they did with
Batman Vs. Superman. If it is like the
Batman Vs. Superman version, it won’t earn that R rating either, it will just
be a marketing ploy.
So, below is where
I’m going to discuss what I would have done differently and why. As a writer I think this is a good
exercise. Do it even with movies you
think are great and wonderful. It helps
you debate possibilities and their consequences.
The first thing I
would fix, would be to cut unnecessary characters. Slipnot, Killer Croc, Katana, would all be
gone. I could put Captain Boomerang on
this list as well, but I would actually use him to illustrate the purpose
Slipnot did. (If you have seen this you know what I’m talking about) I would
just make that moment happen later so you could get some of the fun banter
Captain Boomerang brought. Or I could take that moment out of the movie
entirely fitting with the change I would make to the plot….
That plot change
would be, instead of keeping these characters in the dark, I would let them
know from moment one what they are up against when they start the mission. If the villains knew, hey we go risk our
lives now, or die in a few days anyway, you don’t really need the slipknot
moment. It also would make sense why
they aren’t acting like complete villains.
You don’t need the subplot of them going to in save person X, or you can
still have that as part of the story, and have it as checkpoint one.
Assuming you cut
the characters and simplify the plot line then guess what, we can now make
Diablo, Enchantress, and the rest of the characters more compelling. That time you are wasting can be put to good
use. Then the movie will be more engaging when that work and time is put into these characters so you can care
about them. All of them. Not just Deadshot and Harley. Yes, the DC
universe gets to introduce less characters, but wouldn’t we rather those
characters were introduced as full interesting characters then glorified
extras? I know I would.
The big question
is, how would you change this film, or would you? What other films would you like to think
about changing? Pick something you love,
that is almost perfect, this makes the question a bigger challenge.
